Healing

I started this blog last night, with the title "Pain", because for nine months in 2010 I experienced the worse pain of my life. But this morning I woke up and went about my day without much soreness at all. As I finished my morning walk, God put on my heart what I need to remember about 2010 is the healing.

A physical therapist named Melissa explained to me in April that my pelvis was shifted, all my muscles running across it were strained. We would try to readjust and they would teach me how to strengthen the muscles, but I would likely have to deal with it the rest of my life.

This to a woman that is noted as too busy, involved in everything, did not come easy. I left that day in extreme pain (readjustment is not fun) and a heavy heart not understanding how this could be at all good as God promises.

Weeks turned into months and about the time I thought I was "healed", pain would come again. After my first relapse in July, I started to take responsibility for my own healing. Instead of only doing exercises at therapy, I did them at home. I saw them as a necessity to avoid the pain. Determination got me up early to walk and stretch. I was happy without pain and grateful I was no longer stuck on the couch, but a bit frustrated that this had become my life. When we prayed for healing, I was thinking a miracle. Take the pain away without my effort. That's what I needed.

Then November came. With defeat in my heart, tears in my eyes and pain in my hips, I went back to therapy again.

As soon as Melissa checked me out, she shook her head. "I can't believe it. You're aligned. It's working."

Peace filled my heart as she explained my pain was from not stretching my hip flexers and could be cured with exercises and ultrasound. Three weeks later I was free from the discomfort and pain. God showed me He had healed me, but now it's my job to maintain my muscles.

Our spiritual life is like that. God is the one that saves us, but He expects us to maintain our relationship with Him. If we don't read the Bible, spend time in prayer and fellowship with believers, we will end up in that same pit He found us in. Though we think it doesn't affect us, each time drains us a little more, starts to defeat us. If only we would stay connected with Him, we would skip so much pain.

I woke up this morning glad it wasn't raining so I could go walking. When the cold wind bit at my nose and ears, I praised Him for the nice warm house I could go back to in just two more laps. As I stretched my muscles, I thanked God for how far He's brought me, thankful that He took the time to teach me a greater appreciation for my family and friends through my hardships. In so many ways He did a miracle in my life...and it was better than I could have hoped for.

The Stench

A friend was in town tonight for her annual trip to Pechanga Indian Casino that she takes every year on her birthday. I felt the need to escape my home that is filled with germs and catch up with her, so I ventured out.

After a few hours of hanging out and losing a dollar at penny slots, I left for home. The moment I stepped into the fresh air I realized I stunk of smoke. I tried to ignore it on the way home, but all I could think was how I smelled that way all growing up and it never bothered me. Smoking was the fad back then, like Starbucks is today. My parents smoked as did most of my friends' parents. Even when I was in my twenties and still at home, I didn't smell it on me because I was living in it. Tonight I had to roll down the window and couldn't wait to get home to shower because the odor was so strong.

It's been a hard couple weeks for my family financially, emotionally and now physically. It's frustrating to be an adult and still feel like I don't have it all together. Literally living week to week seeing if God will provide financially, pouring my heart into ministry wondering if God will bless it, caring for my family the best I can and feeling like there's nothing I can do to make them better. So, the past few days, I've been taking a walk down memory lane... remembering days long ago when I made poor choices on purpose and things seemed to work out, how the pain seemed less when I chose ungodly ways to relief it, and when there was less stress in my life because I didn't care as much about others.

But as I drove home tonight, God brought to my mind the stench of my past sins. The pain, regret, separation from Him and loved ones. I was sickened by the thoughts I entertained just yesterday.

You don't live there anymore, God reminded me. Your heart is now with me.

I read my Bible today instead of grumbling and complaining to myself. When stress arose about my daughter's physical condition, I found the humor in it so I wouldn't dwell on it. I called a friend to pray for me instead of acting like I have it all together. Tomorrow we still won't have much money in our account, my daughter will probably still have spots all over her and my husband will be coughing away (and I might too for that matter), but I know my God will never leave or forsake me. I'm choosing a better life now, free from sin. Just as I can take a shower to wash the smoke smell from me, my Jesus died on the cross, washing me in His blood so that I might be right with Him.

And a life lived with Him is a life lived in victory.

God's Little Goalie

For some reason, Noah got it in his head he wanted to be goalie. So, he spent all week convincing his coach (that would be Jeff) he was the best one for the job. Today before the game I watched Jeff work with him, giving him tips and teaching him to drop kick. Jeff returned frustrated because Noah wasn't listening to his advice. My advice to Jeff was "Tell him to obey you or he doesn't get to be goalie!" (I was in a get-to-the-point kind-of mood - did I mention it was 8:30am?)

Becca and I arrived a few minutes before the game began. There was Noah on the field, goalie jersey on and a grin from ear-to-ear. He bounced over to me, excited that he could be goalie. I wrapped my arms around him and prayed out loud for him, that God would keep him safe, help him to remember the words of his coach and help him do his best. After kissing me on the cheek, he returned to his post, still smiling.

I was on the end of my seat and in prayer the first three quarters. There was my little guy (yes, he is the smallest on the team) in front of a huge goal with seven big boys all focused on kicking a soccer ball as hard as they could at him! I wanted him to succeed, but was so nervous for him. Being the natural defender he is, Noah was usually at the top of the box, occasionally leaving it! I found myself screaming his full name as he chased the ball outside the box. I wanted to tell him what to do, but he was too far away. All I could only watch and pray.

God put on my heart tonight that parenting is like that. We train them in His Word and in His ways as they grow, but for our kids to really own their faith, there is a point at which all we can do is watch and pray. I would have played goalie differently. I would have been safely inside the box, focused on protecting the goal. Noah, being the driven guy he is, was focused on winning the game. He did everything he could to get the ball to his teammates so they could score. And score they did - three goals! Not one ball got passed Noah, probably because there were a few angels in the goal box even when he wasn't.

I asked the coach after the second quarter if Noah should be so far away from the goal.
"He's doing what I told him" was my husband's response. Oh, how much better would we do in life if we did what our Father told us to do! To the outsider it may seem crazy, but we need to remember He always has a plan.

Noah had a smile on his face for the entire game. He found joy and success in doing what his father told him to do. And I had a smile knowing that though I'm his mom, His God loves him more and will never leave or forsake him. Slowly my job is shifting from teaching and leading to praying and watching. It's not easy, but it is very rewarding when he does what we've taught him.

A New Beginning - Phil 1:1-6

Scripture reading: Philippians 1:1-6

...being confident of this, he who began a good work in you will carry it on to the completion until the day of Christ Jesus. v.6

I remember the day I accepted Christ. I was almost 15, attending Youth Camp. The Thursday night service included a message of salvation. There was a silhouette of an outstretched hand, the pounding of nails and reminder of my sins. I knew I owed my life to God for all He had done for me. My youth leader prayed with me to accept Christ.

That night when I went to bed, I remember thinking my life was going to be different now. Not because of what I had done, but because of what He wanted to do.

I'm mostly packed, ready to go off to my yearly Women's Retreat. God has a new work He wants to do in me. It's out of my comfort zone, but I've learned over the past 22 years that the feeling of joy and completion comes when I do my Father's will. I'll teach, I'll lead and I'll be filled. And once again, I'll lay my life down at His feet, knowing "He who began a good work" will be faithful to complete it.

How about you? What good work has God started in Your life?

Sept. 14 - Day 76: Old Enemies

Scripture: 2 Sam 21:15-22
"The Philistines again waged war against Israel. David went down with his soldiers, and they fought the Philistines, but David became exhausted." v.15

Goliath is long gone, but his kin are still around and are a throne in David's flesh, leaving him exhausted from fighting them.

It's after 10pm and my day has been non stop since 7:15 am. I know David's exhaustion...and I know the pain of dealing with those reoccurring giants. Finances have been a giant for us for 9 years, since we made the decision one of us would stay at home and raise our kids. Our Goliath came 3 years ago, but we conquered him. So, it is much to my disappointment that his kin now seems determined to ruin us. I wanted to celebrate the fact that we had enough money for gas today, but I'm tired of the struggle, the worry, the issue lack of money has become. At 6pm I read this devotion (on the soccer field) and realized I'm not alone. David, a man after God's heart, was there. God hasn't forgotten us...He still leading us. I just have to keep looking forward instead of behind me.

Thank you God for the struggles, for it's in those times that You are most powerful, and I can be victorious with Your help. Thank you for gas money, and food to last the week. Thank you that you give us what we need, just in time. I love you.

How about you? Is there a giant raising it's head in your life? Share with us and then as Beth suggested, thank God for it. It's there for a reason. We don't necessarily need to know the reason, we just need to believe God has our best interests at heart.

Growing Through the Pain

It was about four months ago now that the pain came. I didn't "do" anything, or maybe I did too much, but the excruciating pain returned. The doctor only wanted to prescribe drugs, but I insisted on physical therapy. That is when the rollercoaster began.

I haven't wrote about it, maybe because I didn't want it to be my reality. But very quickly I realized I could do next to nothing. Some days the drugs took the edge off, other days all I could do was cry. But my God is so good, He never left me. And He taught me some pretty incredible lessons.

I learned how to accept help. Cleaning was impossible for months and hosting two Bible Studies a week left me with a problem. God placed it on my heart to say YES to whatever help was offered, so I did. What a blessing, though humbling, it was.

God showed me how to slow down. Couch time became a necessity. For someone that spends little time at home, I spent as much time as possible at home. Snuggling with the little girl, play cards with the boy, lifted my spirits and made them feel special.

I realized the importance of training children well. My kids never complained or even questions the extra things I asked of them (and they don't even receive allowance). Whenever I ask them to bend over to pick something up (bending is bad for me), they answer "Sure Mom". Their love and giving hearts filling me with joy.

I came to recognize Jeff as my partner. I still can't go grocery shopping alone, or touch the laundry. Jeff just slipped in where the need was. He also became my prayer partner. Realizing he could do nothing to stop the pain, he turned to the Lord, praying for me and over me. Our relationship has grown more in the past 4 months than it did our first 4 years of marriage. God is doing a mighty work.

So, that's the rock I'm been hiding under. It's covered with pain on the outside, but inside, it's transforming me. I still pray tomorrow will be the day I will be well, but I don't mind it so much now. I finally see all the good He is doing in me. It's definitely worth it.

A Good Friday

They say it was a Friday that Jesus made His way to the cross. All day I've thought about Him, making that walk. After being beaten, he continued on, carrying His cross. He was God, but man, so He felt the pain and suffering. And yet He endured it, for me, for all of mankind. How?

No doubt He did it in prayer. He knew it was in God's strength that He needed to carry on. I think so often in life that is the key we are missing. We wonder how we will get through another day at our job or marriage. We wonder how we can handle the pain of rejection or physical pain. We can't imagine living through the lay-off, foreclosure, death of a loved one...when the truth is, maybe we can't. Maybe we will only survivor it with God. Maybe only by crying out to Him, moment by moment, asking for His strength to press on.

Notice God provided for Jesus, every step of the way. Someone to carry His cross, the face of His mother and the love of a brother, a stranger to stand up for Him when He was being ridiculed. Did you know God desires to do the same for you? A friend to pray with, a rainbow to cheer up your day, maybe the love of your child to melt your heart of stone. But we may need to take the first step. WE might need to call (or text) a friend when we need prayer. We might need to take the time to look up to see His glory in the sky. We may need to scoop our child into our lap and squeeze them tight.

Jesus died on the cross so we could have a personal relationship with Him. That doesn't happen unless WE seek Him through prayer and His word. It's not easy, I'll be the first to admit. And there will still be "You've got to be kidding me!" days. But, the blessings will come, and when they do, how sweet they are. So, I encourage you, my brothers and sisters in Christ, remember this Good Friday, the power of the Cross. There is nothing in this world you need to go through alone. All God asks is for you reach out to Him...He is already reaching out for you.