Healing

I started this blog last night, with the title "Pain", because for nine months in 2010 I experienced the worse pain of my life. But this morning I woke up and went about my day without much soreness at all. As I finished my morning walk, God put on my heart what I need to remember about 2010 is the healing.

A physical therapist named Melissa explained to me in April that my pelvis was shifted, all my muscles running across it were strained. We would try to readjust and they would teach me how to strengthen the muscles, but I would likely have to deal with it the rest of my life.

This to a woman that is noted as too busy, involved in everything, did not come easy. I left that day in extreme pain (readjustment is not fun) and a heavy heart not understanding how this could be at all good as God promises.

Weeks turned into months and about the time I thought I was "healed", pain would come again. After my first relapse in July, I started to take responsibility for my own healing. Instead of only doing exercises at therapy, I did them at home. I saw them as a necessity to avoid the pain. Determination got me up early to walk and stretch. I was happy without pain and grateful I was no longer stuck on the couch, but a bit frustrated that this had become my life. When we prayed for healing, I was thinking a miracle. Take the pain away without my effort. That's what I needed.

Then November came. With defeat in my heart, tears in my eyes and pain in my hips, I went back to therapy again.

As soon as Melissa checked me out, she shook her head. "I can't believe it. You're aligned. It's working."

Peace filled my heart as she explained my pain was from not stretching my hip flexers and could be cured with exercises and ultrasound. Three weeks later I was free from the discomfort and pain. God showed me He had healed me, but now it's my job to maintain my muscles.

Our spiritual life is like that. God is the one that saves us, but He expects us to maintain our relationship with Him. If we don't read the Bible, spend time in prayer and fellowship with believers, we will end up in that same pit He found us in. Though we think it doesn't affect us, each time drains us a little more, starts to defeat us. If only we would stay connected with Him, we would skip so much pain.

I woke up this morning glad it wasn't raining so I could go walking. When the cold wind bit at my nose and ears, I praised Him for the nice warm house I could go back to in just two more laps. As I stretched my muscles, I thanked God for how far He's brought me, thankful that He took the time to teach me a greater appreciation for my family and friends through my hardships. In so many ways He did a miracle in my life...and it was better than I could have hoped for.

The Stench

A friend was in town tonight for her annual trip to Pechanga Indian Casino that she takes every year on her birthday. I felt the need to escape my home that is filled with germs and catch up with her, so I ventured out.

After a few hours of hanging out and losing a dollar at penny slots, I left for home. The moment I stepped into the fresh air I realized I stunk of smoke. I tried to ignore it on the way home, but all I could think was how I smelled that way all growing up and it never bothered me. Smoking was the fad back then, like Starbucks is today. My parents smoked as did most of my friends' parents. Even when I was in my twenties and still at home, I didn't smell it on me because I was living in it. Tonight I had to roll down the window and couldn't wait to get home to shower because the odor was so strong.

It's been a hard couple weeks for my family financially, emotionally and now physically. It's frustrating to be an adult and still feel like I don't have it all together. Literally living week to week seeing if God will provide financially, pouring my heart into ministry wondering if God will bless it, caring for my family the best I can and feeling like there's nothing I can do to make them better. So, the past few days, I've been taking a walk down memory lane... remembering days long ago when I made poor choices on purpose and things seemed to work out, how the pain seemed less when I chose ungodly ways to relief it, and when there was less stress in my life because I didn't care as much about others.

But as I drove home tonight, God brought to my mind the stench of my past sins. The pain, regret, separation from Him and loved ones. I was sickened by the thoughts I entertained just yesterday.

You don't live there anymore, God reminded me. Your heart is now with me.

I read my Bible today instead of grumbling and complaining to myself. When stress arose about my daughter's physical condition, I found the humor in it so I wouldn't dwell on it. I called a friend to pray for me instead of acting like I have it all together. Tomorrow we still won't have much money in our account, my daughter will probably still have spots all over her and my husband will be coughing away (and I might too for that matter), but I know my God will never leave or forsake me. I'm choosing a better life now, free from sin. Just as I can take a shower to wash the smoke smell from me, my Jesus died on the cross, washing me in His blood so that I might be right with Him.

And a life lived with Him is a life lived in victory.