Scripture: 2 Sam 21:15-22
"The Philistines again waged war against Israel. David went down with his soldiers, and they fought the Philistines, but David became exhausted." v.15
Goliath is long gone, but his kin are still around and are a throne in David's flesh, leaving him exhausted from fighting them.
It's after 10pm and my day has been non stop since 7:15 am. I know David's exhaustion...and I know the pain of dealing with those reoccurring giants. Finances have been a giant for us for 9 years, since we made the decision one of us would stay at home and raise our kids. Our Goliath came 3 years ago, but we conquered him. So, it is much to my disappointment that his kin now seems determined to ruin us. I wanted to celebrate the fact that we had enough money for gas today, but I'm tired of the struggle, the worry, the issue lack of money has become. At 6pm I read this devotion (on the soccer field) and realized I'm not alone. David, a man after God's heart, was there. God hasn't forgotten us...He still leading us. I just have to keep looking forward instead of behind me.
Thank you God for the struggles, for it's in those times that You are most powerful, and I can be victorious with Your help. Thank you for gas money, and food to last the week. Thank you that you give us what we need, just in time. I love you.
How about you? Is there a giant raising it's head in your life? Share with us and then as Beth suggested, thank God for it. It's there for a reason. We don't necessarily need to know the reason, we just need to believe God has our best interests at heart.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Growing Through the Pain
It was about four months ago now that the pain came. I didn't "do" anything, or maybe I did too much, but the excruciating pain returned. The doctor only wanted to prescribe drugs, but I insisted on physical therapy. That is when the rollercoaster began.
I haven't wrote about it, maybe because I didn't want it to be my reality. But very quickly I realized I could do next to nothing. Some days the drugs took the edge off, other days all I could do was cry. But my God is so good, He never left me. And He taught me some pretty incredible lessons.
I learned how to accept help. Cleaning was impossible for months and hosting two Bible Studies a week left me with a problem. God placed it on my heart to say YES to whatever help was offered, so I did. What a blessing, though humbling, it was.
God showed me how to slow down. Couch time became a necessity. For someone that spends little time at home, I spent as much time as possible at home. Snuggling with the little girl, play cards with the boy, lifted my spirits and made them feel special.
I realized the importance of training children well. My kids never complained or even questions the extra things I asked of them (and they don't even receive allowance). Whenever I ask them to bend over to pick something up (bending is bad for me), they answer "Sure Mom". Their love and giving hearts filling me with joy.
I came to recognize Jeff as my partner. I still can't go grocery shopping alone, or touch the laundry. Jeff just slipped in where the need was. He also became my prayer partner. Realizing he could do nothing to stop the pain, he turned to the Lord, praying for me and over me. Our relationship has grown more in the past 4 months than it did our first 4 years of marriage. God is doing a mighty work.
So, that's the rock I'm been hiding under. It's covered with pain on the outside, but inside, it's transforming me. I still pray tomorrow will be the day I will be well, but I don't mind it so much now. I finally see all the good He is doing in me. It's definitely worth it.
I haven't wrote about it, maybe because I didn't want it to be my reality. But very quickly I realized I could do next to nothing. Some days the drugs took the edge off, other days all I could do was cry. But my God is so good, He never left me. And He taught me some pretty incredible lessons.
I learned how to accept help. Cleaning was impossible for months and hosting two Bible Studies a week left me with a problem. God placed it on my heart to say YES to whatever help was offered, so I did. What a blessing, though humbling, it was.
God showed me how to slow down. Couch time became a necessity. For someone that spends little time at home, I spent as much time as possible at home. Snuggling with the little girl, play cards with the boy, lifted my spirits and made them feel special.
I realized the importance of training children well. My kids never complained or even questions the extra things I asked of them (and they don't even receive allowance). Whenever I ask them to bend over to pick something up (bending is bad for me), they answer "Sure Mom". Their love and giving hearts filling me with joy.
I came to recognize Jeff as my partner. I still can't go grocery shopping alone, or touch the laundry. Jeff just slipped in where the need was. He also became my prayer partner. Realizing he could do nothing to stop the pain, he turned to the Lord, praying for me and over me. Our relationship has grown more in the past 4 months than it did our first 4 years of marriage. God is doing a mighty work.
So, that's the rock I'm been hiding under. It's covered with pain on the outside, but inside, it's transforming me. I still pray tomorrow will be the day I will be well, but I don't mind it so much now. I finally see all the good He is doing in me. It's definitely worth it.
Friday, April 2, 2010
A Good Friday
They say it was a Friday that Jesus made His way to the cross. All day I've thought about Him, making that walk. After being beaten, he continued on, carrying His cross. He was God, but man, so He felt the pain and suffering. And yet He endured it, for me, for all of mankind. How?
No doubt He did it in prayer. He knew it was in God's strength that He needed to carry on. I think so often in life that is the key we are missing. We wonder how we will get through another day at our job or marriage. We wonder how we can handle the pain of rejection or physical pain. We can't imagine living through the lay-off, foreclosure, death of a loved one...when the truth is, maybe we can't. Maybe we will only survivor it with God. Maybe only by crying out to Him, moment by moment, asking for His strength to press on.
Notice God provided for Jesus, every step of the way. Someone to carry His cross, the face of His mother and the love of a brother, a stranger to stand up for Him when He was being ridiculed. Did you know God desires to do the same for you? A friend to pray with, a rainbow to cheer up your day, maybe the love of your child to melt your heart of stone. But we may need to take the first step. WE might need to call (or text) a friend when we need prayer. We might need to take the time to look up to see His glory in the sky. We may need to scoop our child into our lap and squeeze them tight.
Jesus died on the cross so we could have a personal relationship with Him. That doesn't happen unless WE seek Him through prayer and His word. It's not easy, I'll be the first to admit. And there will still be "You've got to be kidding me!" days. But, the blessings will come, and when they do, how sweet they are. So, I encourage you, my brothers and sisters in Christ, remember this Good Friday, the power of the Cross. There is nothing in this world you need to go through alone. All God asks is for you reach out to Him...He is already reaching out for you.
No doubt He did it in prayer. He knew it was in God's strength that He needed to carry on. I think so often in life that is the key we are missing. We wonder how we will get through another day at our job or marriage. We wonder how we can handle the pain of rejection or physical pain. We can't imagine living through the lay-off, foreclosure, death of a loved one...when the truth is, maybe we can't. Maybe we will only survivor it with God. Maybe only by crying out to Him, moment by moment, asking for His strength to press on.
Notice God provided for Jesus, every step of the way. Someone to carry His cross, the face of His mother and the love of a brother, a stranger to stand up for Him when He was being ridiculed. Did you know God desires to do the same for you? A friend to pray with, a rainbow to cheer up your day, maybe the love of your child to melt your heart of stone. But we may need to take the first step. WE might need to call (or text) a friend when we need prayer. We might need to take the time to look up to see His glory in the sky. We may need to scoop our child into our lap and squeeze them tight.
Jesus died on the cross so we could have a personal relationship with Him. That doesn't happen unless WE seek Him through prayer and His word. It's not easy, I'll be the first to admit. And there will still be "You've got to be kidding me!" days. But, the blessings will come, and when they do, how sweet they are. So, I encourage you, my brothers and sisters in Christ, remember this Good Friday, the power of the Cross. There is nothing in this world you need to go through alone. All God asks is for you reach out to Him...He is already reaching out for you.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Time for Change
Journals and journals I have are filled with springs of depression...sometimes in March, often in April, nevertheless, paralyzing days and nights of fear, hopelessness and despair. Those that don't know me well may be surprised because I do believe I hide it well. My brothers and sisters in Christ have stood in the gap for me several times in the past few years as I have realized this is a spiritual battle. And my husband has come along side me as I have become determined to fight it-and win.
Three years ago, I thought it would be the end of me. The truth is, although I cried out to God for help, I wasn't doing anything to help myself. Honestly, I was waiting for a miracle. After decades of suffering from depression, I just wanted Him to banish it forever. My God is big, and I knew it was possible. I remember driving with the kids in the car one day, tears streaming down my face, pleading with Him to just take it away. He answered me, but not in the way I expected. He told me His grace was sufficient. He would help me, never leave me, but not take it away.
It was time to be honest, with myself and with my husband. As we talked that night I shared my deep, dark thoughts. We talked of my depression, but this was the first time I shared the depth of it, which had grown over the 10 years we'd known each other. The fear in his eyes reassured me it was time to seek help.
First it was the help of our pastor we sought. He listened and knew the right questions to ask and when he spoke, I had no doubt it was from the Lord. My hardest times where around Halloween and Easter, time of high spiritual activity. I could be more sensitive to the battles raging on in the spiritual realm.
It seems to make sense because the past few years have very hard and I'm closer to God than ever before. Two years ago I felt physically ill on Halloween. Such a darkness came over me this fall that I did seek help in medication. Amazingly it offered instant relief but after time, began exhausting me. Within a month I felt confirmation from the Lord to quit taking it and sure enough, all was well again.
But here I am, two weeks 'til Easter and it raised it's ugly head two days ago. Yet I praise God because I felt it coming. Anger and frustration began to build up inside me and about the time my mind began the negative self talk, I recognized what was happening. Last night I fought with my wonderful husband for no reason, yet recognized why after the fact. He embraced me in forgiveness as he prayed for me. Today I've started to cry for no reason at least four times, but I as I stood on the truth of God's love for me, His perfect plan, His protection, it faded away.
I've lived with depression for about 30 years. Yes, there have been times I thought it would never end. Yes, there have been times I thought I couldn't make it. But I know that is not the plan of my God. His plan for me is for a hope and future. His plans are for me to prosper and not fail. I don't believe this fight is over, but I'm hanging on to the hand of God, knowing His grace is sufficient. After all, He's already won the battle, so I stand at a place of victory. It's about time I started to fight like it.
Three years ago, I thought it would be the end of me. The truth is, although I cried out to God for help, I wasn't doing anything to help myself. Honestly, I was waiting for a miracle. After decades of suffering from depression, I just wanted Him to banish it forever. My God is big, and I knew it was possible. I remember driving with the kids in the car one day, tears streaming down my face, pleading with Him to just take it away. He answered me, but not in the way I expected. He told me His grace was sufficient. He would help me, never leave me, but not take it away.
It was time to be honest, with myself and with my husband. As we talked that night I shared my deep, dark thoughts. We talked of my depression, but this was the first time I shared the depth of it, which had grown over the 10 years we'd known each other. The fear in his eyes reassured me it was time to seek help.
First it was the help of our pastor we sought. He listened and knew the right questions to ask and when he spoke, I had no doubt it was from the Lord. My hardest times where around Halloween and Easter, time of high spiritual activity. I could be more sensitive to the battles raging on in the spiritual realm.
It seems to make sense because the past few years have very hard and I'm closer to God than ever before. Two years ago I felt physically ill on Halloween. Such a darkness came over me this fall that I did seek help in medication. Amazingly it offered instant relief but after time, began exhausting me. Within a month I felt confirmation from the Lord to quit taking it and sure enough, all was well again.
But here I am, two weeks 'til Easter and it raised it's ugly head two days ago. Yet I praise God because I felt it coming. Anger and frustration began to build up inside me and about the time my mind began the negative self talk, I recognized what was happening. Last night I fought with my wonderful husband for no reason, yet recognized why after the fact. He embraced me in forgiveness as he prayed for me. Today I've started to cry for no reason at least four times, but I as I stood on the truth of God's love for me, His perfect plan, His protection, it faded away.
I've lived with depression for about 30 years. Yes, there have been times I thought it would never end. Yes, there have been times I thought I couldn't make it. But I know that is not the plan of my God. His plan for me is for a hope and future. His plans are for me to prosper and not fail. I don't believe this fight is over, but I'm hanging on to the hand of God, knowing His grace is sufficient. After all, He's already won the battle, so I stand at a place of victory. It's about time I started to fight like it.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Inspiration
It's been a month of just be-ing. It started with an accident that just seems so not right, taking the life of a friend my age. I wanted to write about it, but there were no words to describe the sadness, disbelief. My life was put back into perspective...God, husband, kids. At the end of the day, it matters first what I've done for them. After pondering, I reconstructed my day, my life, to show my priorities. Home schooling comes before work, husband before chores. God meets with me in the morning and with me and my hubby before bed. Even writing seemed so much less important.
So, one week turned into two and two into three and the only action my keyboard got was typing work emails and posting on Facebook. Stress crept back into my life. Jeff saw the signs, sore back, my broken out face and aching jaw, and graciously pointed it out to me. As I relunctantly prayed about it, God reminded me I had walked away from my stress reliever - writing.
"But I'm not inspired." I argued.
And He so gently spoke to my heart, "But it's what I've made you for."
Oh. Is that why it decreases my stress level? Is that why I feel so happy, so whole when I pour my heart onto paper? Is that why Satan tries to distract me from it with a hundred other tasks? I get it.
If you'll excuse me, I'll be about God's business...writing. Maybe that novel I started some 16 years ago is a good place to start.
So, one week turned into two and two into three and the only action my keyboard got was typing work emails and posting on Facebook. Stress crept back into my life. Jeff saw the signs, sore back, my broken out face and aching jaw, and graciously pointed it out to me. As I relunctantly prayed about it, God reminded me I had walked away from my stress reliever - writing.
"But I'm not inspired." I argued.
And He so gently spoke to my heart, "But it's what I've made you for."
Oh. Is that why it decreases my stress level? Is that why I feel so happy, so whole when I pour my heart onto paper? Is that why Satan tries to distract me from it with a hundred other tasks? I get it.
If you'll excuse me, I'll be about God's business...writing. Maybe that novel I started some 16 years ago is a good place to start.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
A Perfect Life
Six years ago I was convinced my life was perfect. I had a supportive husband, a smart two and a half year old boy and finally our family was complete with a healthy little girl. I didn't like my job, but I had good friends, a nice home and attended church regularly. All was well.
Until three weeks later, that is. Suddenly I found myself having a heated argument with the man I loved. I couldn't believe some of the things that were said. I felt such bitterness and anger inside. I felt so attacked. Not knowing what to do, I turned to God, asking Him why such hurtful words would come out of my husband's mouth.
The answer I got was not expected. "Because they are true." It was then that I realized I had stopped abiding in my Father. I made my kids number one priority in my life, my job second, husband third with God trailing behind. The bitterness and anger came from not having a right relationship with God. My life was completely out of balance, and falling apart.
On that day, I placed God back at the head of my life. It took a lot of effort, and God's help, to restore my husband to second place with my kids slipping into third. That's when I relaized how great life truly could be. I have a loving husband that adores me and our children are growing in the Lord every day. Now I DO love my job, but it has it's place after my family and God. If I happen to miss a morning of reading the Word, I crave it until I open it. My husband prays with me and for me, we study the Bible together and with our kids. And though each day seems perfect in someways, as I abide in my Father, the next day is just as grand. I have put my trust and energy into what matters, and He has blessed me for it.
Until three weeks later, that is. Suddenly I found myself having a heated argument with the man I loved. I couldn't believe some of the things that were said. I felt such bitterness and anger inside. I felt so attacked. Not knowing what to do, I turned to God, asking Him why such hurtful words would come out of my husband's mouth.
The answer I got was not expected. "Because they are true." It was then that I realized I had stopped abiding in my Father. I made my kids number one priority in my life, my job second, husband third with God trailing behind. The bitterness and anger came from not having a right relationship with God. My life was completely out of balance, and falling apart.
On that day, I placed God back at the head of my life. It took a lot of effort, and God's help, to restore my husband to second place with my kids slipping into third. That's when I relaized how great life truly could be. I have a loving husband that adores me and our children are growing in the Lord every day. Now I DO love my job, but it has it's place after my family and God. If I happen to miss a morning of reading the Word, I crave it until I open it. My husband prays with me and for me, we study the Bible together and with our kids. And though each day seems perfect in someways, as I abide in my Father, the next day is just as grand. I have put my trust and energy into what matters, and He has blessed me for it.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Reminders
Stress brought on my first serious pain just after turning thirty. Shingles, they call it, which to me meant a little spot and a whole lot of pain. When the doctor identified the foreign rash on my lower back the pain had not yet begun. Armed with antibiotics and pain pills it hit that night, like nothing I've even experienced. A result of allowing the stress of my job consume me.
My second pain was caused five years later by stupidity. In a hurry I lifted a cooler with 20+ pounds of ice without bending my knees. Within 20 minutes the pain was excruciating and it took over 20 days to heal (that was my summer on the sofa). I was trying to do too much, too fast.
To this day, when I get stressed out, my shingles spot hurts. And, you guessed it, if I do too much lifting, pulling or sometimes even sitting, the muscle I pulled aches. Usually I mutter "I'm old" or "I'm falling apart" and most of the time, God reminds me of the truth.
You overdo it. You need to take time to rest.
Don't worry about tomorrow...trust Me to take care of you.
So, I'll take the reminders He's given me. I'll pray and let go of my stress. I'll remember even I need a break and my family needs me to spend time with them. And I'll praise God for the reminders. Without them, I would have missed out on the peace found in relying on Him and the joy of family time.
My second pain was caused five years later by stupidity. In a hurry I lifted a cooler with 20+ pounds of ice without bending my knees. Within 20 minutes the pain was excruciating and it took over 20 days to heal (that was my summer on the sofa). I was trying to do too much, too fast.
To this day, when I get stressed out, my shingles spot hurts. And, you guessed it, if I do too much lifting, pulling or sometimes even sitting, the muscle I pulled aches. Usually I mutter "I'm old" or "I'm falling apart" and most of the time, God reminds me of the truth.
You overdo it. You need to take time to rest.
Don't worry about tomorrow...trust Me to take care of you.
So, I'll take the reminders He's given me. I'll pray and let go of my stress. I'll remember even I need a break and my family needs me to spend time with them. And I'll praise God for the reminders. Without them, I would have missed out on the peace found in relying on Him and the joy of family time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)